Friday, October 28, 2011

how will my future be

enough with all drama more crying exactly same like in the drama when the mother died because of cancer and left behind her daughter to the rumah anak yatim.
melayu always have this kind of ending and it goes around.

just read one of my old friend's blog.she posted about her pursued study in medicine.i heard she had lot of fun *ignore about all the quizzes and exam so it' will be fun.
potong-potong frong in lab,checking blood content and the best part is holding a knife and have the power to cut human right?

actually being a doctor is my biggest hope since i was young.
being exposed to house,scrubs and the new series is off the map encourage me a lot.
the best series is house because he can do everything that he want.
operate human brain,bodies,heart etc.
hospital is like his second house and he's the leader in it.

whenever my teachers asked me what is my dream?
i proudly answered i want to be a doctor.
during high school the teacher did asked the same question but i had to be more specific
heart surgeon definitely although i it's not my option.
i want to be same like house.

we can sketch our future but everything must be come from God.
after SPM that people clarified as the toughest spot in life  
i managed to get 5A's 
excluding science and maths subjects.
so how could i pursued in science program?

i have to put them all aside.
i went to english program interview
hoping that i can get the's my last hope.
God still with me,now i'm in Foundation program,Tesl UiTM
but somehow i still can't believe i'm not in medical program.
all the hopes had fade away
my dream to be a "doctor"
to own a clinic 
it's same like a dream that will never comes true.

i keep thinking why He give me this way?
why this option had to be my path?
i'm not good in english,i can't speak fluently,i'm not good in British accent,i fail in phonetics,i fail in everything related to english.
although i try my best to be a better person.
but i'm still not good enough

'why you choose Tesl?'

maybe this is the best path He had decide for me.i believe that everything happen have it own reason.

this quote had wake me up to face the reality.
i can't depend on my fake dream forever.
i have to jump out from this kind of situation.
i have to make a changes,small step ahead pun dah cukup.

maybe if i pursued in medical program i can't get 4flat,so i can't get scholarship to continue study or in other word i have to forget my dream to be a successful doctor.
or if i manage to be a doctor,maybe i'm afraid to cut human beings.
who knows right?

i really grateful God still give me a chance in my life.
a small chance mean a lot to me.

how will my future be?
maybe a journalist
a writer
who knows?
He know better than me.

*my new to-do-list for the next month:
check my level of understanding of  kekuasaan Tuhan
need to read more untuk santapan rohani
be a  positive-thinker 

i still have faith and islam as my guidance.