Sunday, June 14, 2015

Cold citizens

Assalammualaikum, it's been a while since I last post something (or even open my blog). What can I say, time is never enough when you used to fill your leisure time doing completely nothing. By doing nothing I mean scrolling twitter, checking current news (normally just not-so-important social entertainment issues) or even for real news netizens opt to give negative comments or twisting the stories up to their likes and bickering (keyboard warriors) and share stupid fact without investigate first either the fact is true or untrue. Oh netizens we are doing it too much.

Please try to enlighten me of how we are getting this far?

Are those working life is getting tougher? Too much workloads at work? Colleagues testing your kindness? That you need an easy solution to get rid of everything so why not we pretend to be a concern citizen "take part of what happen in our country" hate it so what are you waiting for? give a really hateful comment on social medias. Get thousands likes, hundreds repost, thousands of followers. Now I can sit calmly and enjoy the day.

But the truth is most of the keyboard warriors are not from working circle. Most of them are unemployed and students. Why? You got nothing to do? But when we said something "they" say youth has the power to change for a better nation. We are the future and if we doing nothing how are we supposed to change?

They said.

But have you ever consider back, by giving such a really bad comment that shows how unintelligent you are and the shallowness of your knowledge, do you think people can hear your voice? Do you think you can represent the youth? Do you think you can change our system to be better and more efficient? Do you think you have that to change?

Think twice before you talk.

World doesn't need more brainless people to dominate the world and corrupting the system. Enough is enough.

Stop being such a coward. Fighting for your own justice behind the keyboard. And this is the reason why I try my best not to spend time on twitter. Read books, newspapers. Buy a cup of hot coffee and read something good.

If you want to change the nation, buy books. Don't wait for BBW to stock up your collection and display it on your bookshelves because you think the idea of displaying your books shows how smart you are. Oh society, everything have to be fake.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The returning

Again i have abandoned this blog for a quite long time.

These couple years rasa macam masa tu tak cukup. Untuk 24 jam sehari ke kelas, tidur, makan, rehat sebagainya yang pada mata kasarnya "ya allah lamanya nak hadap 3 jam kelas maths" tapi in fact 3 jam tu terasanya macam 3 minit. Honestly, selama 2 tahun di UTAR tak pernah lagi taking a short break or getaway to release tension. Everything is packed like a can of sardine. Setiap kali kawan call ajak lepak i keep using the same excuse "got load of assignments to do". Memang mengundang marah semua lah sebab busy kalahkan budak medic. But the truth is yes I'm all choke up with my studies. Rasa macam nak semua ni cepat-cepat habis.

Then i found out, the contradict between me and my friends

1) let's say in class: I used to dress smartly to class (kemeja with jeans and sneakers) tak pernah sehari pun pakai tshirt even if dah terlambat 30mins. But then now, look at me. like a sloppy joe, sangat selekeh. the contradict is my friends semua datang kelas neatly macam diorang boleh lagi take sweet time utk choose baju, match with their shoes. Have a sip of coffee and cycle to class but still managed to get on time. Kalau kelas pagi tu, memang tak sempat breakfast. Stop by at 7E bought instant coffee dgn roti then rushed to class even I'm driving. What's the problem?

2) on weekends: All of my friends dengan hati riangnya post in intagram they went to watch movie, have lunch with friends, lepaking and chilling. For me, weekends dipenuhi dengan assignment macam bubur lambak. So i wonder, when did they do all the assignments? I will become grumpy old woman marah sini-sana sebab tension. But at the end, our marks is just same. why?

So i asked myself "what did i do wrong?" Then this part of ayat came out in my mind, "Manusia yang kufur, yang tidak meletakkan Dia sebagai nombor satu akan selalu berada dalam keadaan terumbang-ambing. Masa dirasakan berjalan dengan begitu pantas, harta yang bertimbun tidak tercukupkan dan segala kemewahan yang dikurniakan masih lagi berasa gelisah."

Yes this is the part that i did wrong in entire of my life. Chasing after dunia more than collecting pahala for akhirat. When you're in trouble what is the first word you would say? "Astagfirullah" or "shit"? When you're facing a tough time in your life what would you react? Be positive and accept it as a test from Him or just blaming everything because you screw it? Are you living as a real muslim or just hiding between those names that you inherit from your fathers? And lastly, when did you pray to Him? Apart from the solat wajib 5 waktu (yang masih ada loopholes sini-sana).

Apa lagi yang nak dikejarkan? Education is no longer a thing to be proud of if you didn't act like a real one. 21 years old being given a chance to live, do you use it to the fullest? If everyone is waiting for hidayah i guess sampai ke tua tak jumpa-jumpa lagi sebab we all think hidayah will come in a form of a sign from the sky. Silly! It can be even in a simple form for example, you walk passed mosque and you heard azan. Mungkin selama ini you dengar tapi tak pernah terusik hati tu. But then one day, terlintas untuk grab the tudung and perform solah. It just happen unconsciously, you pray to him even you don't know a single word in your prayer. Day by day you take class and read more books for a better understanding towards islam. That is what we called as a sign to return to the creature.

The problem is when? But i think maybe we can change to a better person slowly. Slowly but surely. Life is like a race but he who reached first is not a winner. Take time but make sure everyone reaches to the final.

Friday, December 6, 2013

purifies your soul

This sem I took pengajian Islam. The funny thing is students 4 orang je. Bayangkan kalau semua berpakat tak nak datang kelas, so they left you alone. Hadaplah syarahan ustaz untuk 3 jam dengan jayanya. Mana nak lari kalau ustaz tanya? Nak sorok belakang Yulia pun tak boleh. haha

The first thing yang ustaz cakap on our first lecture was:

'You nak datang pakai tudung or not is up to you. But follow the dress-code, that's all. You guys bukan budak kecik lagi untuk nak paksa to do thing that you're not comfortable with, right?' 

If you are one of the student in the class, what will you respond?

'Senang hati, no need to be hypocrite.' 

The thing is for whom you're obey to?  So i asked ustaz, I guess it had happened before? Don't you think you're not playing your role as a preacher? In against the sins? Amal makruf nahi mungkar?

He calmly responded:

' Aisyah, if someone forces you to wear proper attire as a muslimah, but you don't like it perhaps you're not ready yet will you follow his order? If you're happened to do it, maybe ada sedikit timbul rasa tak ikhlas. Will you earn His mercy? Kita bukan hamba pada manusia yang perlu kita taat, we're His servants. And in term of not being a good preacher, I do teach about dosa dan pahala, haram dan wajib in our first chapter, so I do advice my students. terpulang pada masing-masing untuk evaluate mana yang betul mana yang salah.'

I smiled and I said to him that I just want to hear his respond if someone asks him so. So he laughed. 

That's the story of being a good servant. Now let's talk about from whom you should listen to? Kita selalu balas bila ada orang tegur kita kita cakap 'kau tu pun bukannya baik mana.' Jadi nak tunggu siapa yang clean from any sin nak bagi nasihat? Kita bukan nabi yang bersifat maksum (terpelihara dari dosa). Dosa itu memang tak boleh lari, itu berbalik pada topik iman dan nafs (nafsu) but now let's focus on the concept of da'i.

“All human beings are sinners; the best of the sinners are those who repent.” 
(Ibn Majah, Zuhd, 30)

“If you were not to commit sins, Allah would sweep you out of existence and would replace you by other people who would commit sins, and then would ask forgiveness from Allah.” 
(Muslim, Tawbah, 9, 10, 11)

We are sinners. Allah is the Forgiver. We make mistakes; Allah forgives us. We disobey Him; Allah pardons us. We repent; Allah accepts our repentance. Allah is al- Ghafur (the Pardoner), al-Afuww (the Pardoner), al-Ghaffar (the Forgiving), at-Tawwab (the Acceptor to Repentance). no matter how huge your sin is, Allah is always there. Dakwah itu wajib walaupun kita hanya sampaikan satu ayat, itu dikira berdakwah juga.

"Let there be a community among you, who call to the good, enjoin the right and forbid the wrong. They are the ones who have success.
(Surah Al-'Imran, verse 104)

But the problem about me is, yes saya mengaku once I know about that person, when s(he) tries to give me an advice I will listen, because we have to respect em, tapi mesti ada terlintas 'dia ni, tegur orang tak pernah reflect diri sendiri ke?' I know that's wrong tapi macam mana nak tegur orang ke arah baik kalau you sendiri pun buat benda yang sama? Don't you think nasihat itu tak terlekat pun pada orang yang dinasihati itu? For me, I do believe in these ayat 'sebelum nak menasihati mereka, perbaiki dulu diri sendiri (the greatest successful is the one who purifies his soul) Jadi diri sendiri itu perlu dibaiki sebelum nak baiki diri orang lain. and there's an ayat said 'golongan nereka adalah mereka yang menyampaikan perkara yang baik tetapi tidak melaksanakan.' 

Don't take it lightly. It's a simple ayat but carries such a huge meaning. Sebagai contoh, bila kawan tegur 'hey why you wear super fit jeans? mana boleh pakai macam ni menampakkan susuk badan!' Turned out that she also wear slim-fit blouse yang jarang. So the question is, macam mana nak tegur orang kalau kita sendiri tak take that action to against that thing?

Truly saya memang tak suka nak give any advice that related to upon being a good servant because it's against my stand. Like tegur orang to perform solah 'kau ni, aku tak pernah nampak pun pegang sejadah?' yet, she also rarely perform solah. Tak pernah terasa ke macam wow! aku sendiri pun banyak loopholes tak qualified untuk tegur orang lagi. 

Amal makruf nahi mungkar, give advice by using your hands, or your tongue and heart. Everything is clearly stated in Quran, but it's up to us on how to processing it. I'm writing it as a reminder to myself and if you find any words that might help you, do take it.

Walaupun ianya hanya satu ayat dalam Quran, tetapi boleh bawa maksud beribu, seperti alif-lam-mim. Reflect back yourselves, who am I?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

pernah tak kau tertanya kenapa kau hidup?
kau hidup untuk apa?

selain dari untuk jadi khalifah apa lagi purpose untuk kau ada kat atas bumi? pernah kau terfikir?

kita hidup untuk membuat pilihan. dari awal lagi sebelum roh ditiupkan kita pilih untuk nikmati hidup walaupun kita sedar dunia ini tak semudah mana.

kita pilih untuk terus hidup.

setiap hari kita perlu buat pilihan antara dua. dari yang paling remeh sampai yang paling berat.
antara kopi atau teh? antara sains atau sastera? antara untuk terus berkawan atau tidak? antara untuk terus suram atau tidak? antara untuk lepaskan atau masih mengharap? antara untuk terus menjadi kebal atau lemah?

takkan setiap kali kau kena buat pilihan baru nak menggelabah tanya semua orang?

tweet "guys help me choose which bag is okay?"
update status "dilemma kolej mana nak masuk"
whatsapp kawan "you, should i do it or not?"

mengharapkan orang untuk buat pilihan. kita bukan hidup untuk let people decide how our life should be? kita hidup untuk kita pilih sendiri. tak kan setiap masa nak harapkan orang? bayangkan kalau kau accident, tak kan waktu tu baru nak tweet tanya what should i do?

itu bodoh.

dan kita masih lagi utuh berdiri di sini. maka, kita pilih untuk teruskan hidup walaupun sesukar mana perjalan itu untuk sampai terus ke saat ini.

pernah kau terfikir segala pilihan yang kau pernah buat itu betul atau salah?

kita try an error. tanpa kita tahu all the consequences of our decision. kita bukan ada magic ball yang boleh ramal apa bakal jadi. kita pilih dan kita exprementalis. either itu bakal mendatangkan perkara buruk or not. kalau ia tak menjadi, kita bear in mind "okay next time jangan pilih macam ini."
hidup ini macam satu uji kaji besar. kita yang decide which potion should be use. what kind of apparatus nak guna and all stuff

dan kalau timbul rasa menyesal, apa yang boleh buat? kita tak boleh nak patah balik dan ubah segala. kita bukan siapa-siapa. pernah kau terfikir jika kau diberi peluang untuk tebus balik kesilapan, kau pernah terfikir kalau pilihan kedua yang kau buat itu pun bakal jadi buruk? sama saja, nothing good happen malah makin teruk. pernah kau terfikir?kau patut fikir dan ingatkan diri, okay ini yang paling terbaik boleh aku buat.

kenapa aku  pilih untuk terus hidup walau aku tahu hari-hari yang mendatang bakal jadi makin sukar?
walau aku tahu manusia tak sebaik mana kau fikirkan. walau aku tahu hati ini tak terjagakan juga. masih aku pilih untuk teruskan hidup. walaup tinggi mana ilmu science kau, tak termampu nak jayakan semua experiment. mesti ada salah sini sana, mesti ada experiment tak berhasil. sebab tak semua benda senang. khatamlah sebanyak buku mana pun, exam nanti tak terdapatkan 100%. jadi kenapa pilih untuk terus hidup?

because i trust in Him and my life has perfectly planned. 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Mata bundar yang makin menyorot itu
Hitam pekat yang makin pudar
Garis-garis kecil dikeliling
Ah! cepat betul masa berlalu
Dia makin berumur.

Dikala malam berinjit datang
Dia di dapur makan sesuap nasi
Lebihan kami di siang hari.

Waktu kami nyenyak tidur
Tangannya penat mengibas nyamuk
Tak terpatahkan dek tangan itu
Betapa kukuhnya semangat dia.

Bila kita berenjak dewasa
Setiap kata dicantas dingin
Katanya sudah tidak bermakna
Dicampakkan batu delima itu,ditatangnya nilai si batu
Mata kita buta
Hati kita hitam
Lidah kita berat
Untuk katakan terima kasih.

Kini aku menatap mata itu
Garis-garis tua
Penat beban berdekad lama
Dia makin ditelan masa

Tuhan terima kasih untuki pinjamanMu
Si dia bonda cinta hati ku
Kekal bersama kita ke tua.

Selamat ulang tahun Azlah Hasan. Moga sentiasa menjadi malaikat pelindung.