Monday, August 4, 2014

The returning

Again i have abandoned this blog for a quite long time.

These couple years rasa macam masa tu tak cukup. Untuk 24 jam sehari ke kelas, tidur, makan, rehat sebagainya yang pada mata kasarnya "ya allah lamanya nak hadap 3 jam kelas maths" tapi in fact 3 jam tu terasanya macam 3 minit. Honestly, selama 2 tahun di UTAR tak pernah lagi taking a short break or getaway to release tension. Everything is packed like a can of sardine. Setiap kali kawan call ajak lepak i keep using the same excuse "got load of assignments to do". Memang mengundang marah semua lah sebab busy kalahkan budak medic. But the truth is yes I'm all choke up with my studies. Rasa macam nak semua ni cepat-cepat habis.

Then i found out, the contradict between me and my friends

1) let's say in class: I used to dress smartly to class (kemeja with jeans and sneakers) tak pernah sehari pun pakai tshirt even if dah terlambat 30mins. But then now, look at me. like a sloppy joe, sangat selekeh. the contradict is my friends semua datang kelas neatly macam diorang boleh lagi take sweet time utk choose baju, match with their shoes. Have a sip of coffee and cycle to class but still managed to get on time. Kalau kelas pagi tu, memang tak sempat breakfast. Stop by at 7E bought instant coffee dgn roti then rushed to class even I'm driving. What's the problem?

2) on weekends: All of my friends dengan hati riangnya post in intagram they went to watch movie, have lunch with friends, lepaking and chilling. For me, weekends dipenuhi dengan assignment macam bubur lambak. So i wonder, when did they do all the assignments? I will become grumpy old woman marah sini-sana sebab tension. But at the end, our marks is just same. why?

So i asked myself "what did i do wrong?" Then this part of ayat came out in my mind, "Manusia yang kufur, yang tidak meletakkan Dia sebagai nombor satu akan selalu berada dalam keadaan terumbang-ambing. Masa dirasakan berjalan dengan begitu pantas, harta yang bertimbun tidak tercukupkan dan segala kemewahan yang dikurniakan masih lagi berasa gelisah."

Yes this is the part that i did wrong in entire of my life. Chasing after dunia more than collecting pahala for akhirat. When you're in trouble what is the first word you would say? "Astagfirullah" or "shit"? When you're facing a tough time in your life what would you react? Be positive and accept it as a test from Him or just blaming everything because you screw it? Are you living as a real muslim or just hiding between those names that you inherit from your fathers? And lastly, when did you pray to Him? Apart from the solat wajib 5 waktu (yang masih ada loopholes sini-sana).

Apa lagi yang nak dikejarkan? Education is no longer a thing to be proud of if you didn't act like a real one. 21 years old being given a chance to live, do you use it to the fullest? If everyone is waiting for hidayah i guess sampai ke tua tak jumpa-jumpa lagi sebab we all think hidayah will come in a form of a sign from the sky. Silly! It can be even in a simple form for example, you walk passed mosque and you heard azan. Mungkin selama ini you dengar tapi tak pernah terusik hati tu. But then one day, terlintas untuk grab the tudung and perform solah. It just happen unconsciously, you pray to him even you don't know a single word in your prayer. Day by day you take class and read more books for a better understanding towards islam. That is what we called as a sign to return to the creature.

The problem is when? But i think maybe we can change to a better person slowly. Slowly but surely. Life is like a race but he who reached first is not a winner. Take time but make sure everyone reaches to the final.