When my dad registered my name, I didn't take it seriously. I always told myself "still got time lah. Can slowly learn." From March to April then May, we're finally approaching Ramadhan. That was the time I realised that I need to start pronto! I did pack my luggage a month earlier. For a person like me who never had socks, handsocks and abaya before, I really need to spend time buying those necessary items.
I fully utilised my Ramadhan. I spent almost half of Ramadhan with my mom. I only went back to Subang Jaya for a week or two due to works then I drove back to Ipoh. It just, being alone in Subang Jaya, the excitement to go taraweh is almost minimum and breaking fast alone... it sounds really sad.
On second Syawal, while everybody else enjoying lemang and ketupat, we drove early in the morning to the airport. I can't bear the feeling to leave my mom alone. Tak pernah lagi tinggalkan mak sorang-sorang waktu Hari Raya pula tu for 12 days. It was really heartbreaking to see her had to stay alone in the house without us.
Everything went well since day 1. We flew straight to medina and spent 4-5 days there before performing umrah. We were blessed to be given the opportunity to pray in raudhah twice. Due to limited space and time, I was in dilemma to perform solat sunat hajat or taubat first. After a few seconds deciding which to choose, I angkat takbir untuk solat taubat. I cried I can't stop crying. The sudden guilty feeling emerged and I can't continue reciting Al-Fatihah. Being a sinner who was given a rezeki to perform prayer in raudhah, I feel that I didn't belong there. I was really small to be compared with other jemaah. Will He accept my taubat? Will He answer all my prayers? Am I qualified to ask something from Him? The moment when you sujood, all the load you carried behind vanished just like that. You feel calm and peace and it's like you're in a different dimension - only you and your creator.
Alhamdulillah the first experience is such an eye-opening. What I learned from entering raudhah is to help others. Surely, He will help you. It's true if people want to pray, try your best to help them. Protect them from being stepped or kicked by other people. Once you help others, surely, He will send someone down to help you back. I always told my sisters, "Don't worry, even though it's really crowded and people kept pushing each other, once you sujood, He will open up space for you." Itulah yang I guna pakai untuk masuk Hijr Ismail in Mecca. Kalau kita percaya, mesti ada juga ruang untuk sujood walaupun seinchi.
It was such an unforgettable experience. For me, it's more to self-discovering/self-enriching. In finding the quintessential of life. Many people have the ideology that the fifth element in life is sky/space. Cosmos: the heavenly bodies, our spiritual connection and the self-discovery. It is embodied in our life to understand the cosmos. To understand cosmos, you have to understand the 'self' first because, in ourselves, it contains the cosmos.
Performing umrah taught me to be a better person. Throughout 12 days in Mecca and Medina never did I checked my phone in case if there's any issue relating to my work or something. I switch off my phone and fully focus on doing good deeds. Ahh, how I wish I can stay there forever not to think about work/dunia/life. My day starts with subuh, having breakfast, goes to masjid, reading al-quran, ends with Isya', sleep and ready for the next day.
I pray each one of you will be given an opportunity to visit the Holy Land.
